void (n)
1. a large empty space
2. a state of loss
3. a feeling of loneliness or emptiness

Since my mother's death, this void I feel in my heart is beyond expressing.

Two years ago, I gave my mother a present. 
The gift?  Me. 

I knew her health was declining.   I wanted to help make
her last few years very special.  I drove up to visit her quite often
(she lived 3 hours away).

I took her on special outings.   We went to dinner often.
I was with her during her hospitalizations.  I ran errands for her.   I took her on
a special one week vacation to Missouri.  With the support of my
precious family, I was able to give her this gift.   And in the final
weeks, I was with her continually.

I grew to love my mom more deeply than I had ever imagined
I possibly could.

My heart was full.  I knew I would feel no regrets when she died,
because I did all I could to show her my love.   I felt her love in return.

But oh how this has made the pain of her death so much greater.
The sense of void so immense.

I suppose the only way to immunize ourselves from such pain is to not care.
If I had not cared, I would have missed out on the tremendous blessing of these special times with Mom.  

I thought I was giving her a gift, but I received much more than I gave.  

So now that she has gone on to be with God, I now have this void in my heart, so wide and deep.

Mom I love you.  I miss you.
 

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