Over the past two years, leading up to the death of my mother,
I had made a decision to spend a lot of time with her, as a gift to her.

I took her out to dinner.  We visited and talked.  I looked at photo albums with her.  I listened to the stories of her life.  We went on trips.  We even traveled on a vacation back to the towns where she lived through different parts of her life.  I gave her the chance to talk about life.

What a blessing this was for me, as I had the privilege of getting to know the full person who was my mother.   I learned all about her childhood, her challenges, her fears, her interests... her life.   Here I thought I was giving her a gift, by spending this time with her, but instead I know we both received a gift.

As I grew to have the fuller picture of her life story, and had the photos of her as a little girl fresh in my mind, and the memories of our actually visiting her childhood places also fresh in my mind, this changed how I saw her.  

I didn't just see her as my mom.   I saw her as a very special person.  I saw the child still within her.  In fact, sometimes when I would look at her, I didn't just see an 86 year old frail little lady who could barely walk.  I saw the young girl Eilene, who could run and play as a child, but who was now nearing the end of her life.  I am not sure whether I am making any sense, but I just was able to envision all of her life fresh in my mind, not just the person I now saw before me.  

And when she died, I didn't just see her as my 86 year old mother in my arms.  I saw that little girl who was in those pictures taken back in the 1920's.

The person we are today is a sum of all of our life experience.   And when we die, so much of our life's story dies with us.   If you get a chance, get to know your parents more while you can.  Make sure you know their life stories.  In fact, don't wait for the chance.  Make it happen, if it is not already too late.  You won't regret it.  You might even find some healing taking place in the process. 

My, what a blessing this was to me, and to my mom.

I mourn the loss of my mom.  I also mourn the loss of that little girl who died in my arms.

 

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Copyright: Please do not republish any of these writings without first obtaining my permission. (You may contact me by clicking on the Contact Kevin link).  All of my writings are Copyright (c) 2005 Kevin Gourley. All rights reserved.   Any reference to them should also reference the web page address as well.