I'm in that phase of mourning where life feels "normal" one moment
And then something triggers a flashback, a memory, and tears well up.

It seems I can go from "happy" to "sad" in a heartbeat.

I went to the grocery store today.   Nothing particularly unusual about that.

As I walked the aisles I remembered back to the last time I took Mom to the grocery store.   It was such a labored effort for her.  Oh, how we didn't know how quickly her cancer was going to progress.   

Sadly that food we bought that day was never eaten by her.   Only a day later, we were in an emergency room for 9 hours, as she became very ill.  The next day, we made arrangements to move Mom to an Assisted Living facility.  

Everything seemed to move so fast.  We had entered the final steep hill of this roller coaster.   All we knew was that we were in it until the end of the ride.  No getting out of it.

As I walked the aisles of the grocery store today, I could envision my mom walking with me, each step an effort, her walker steadying her motion, me pushing her cart.  But she wasn't with me this time.   That is only a cherished memory now.

We don't know what will come next in our lives.  We assume so much, but we really don't know.  Even as we bought groceries that day, we were assuming so much.  Life didn't cooperate with our plans.

I am glad I have that memory of me and my mom in her last trip to the grocery store.
I am glad I have so many memories of my time with my mom in her last years of her life.

Next:  Welcome Home

Back to: Reflections on Life

View/Sign My: Guestbook

Copyright: Please do not republish any of these writings without first obtaining my permission. (You may contact me by clicking on the Contact Kevin link).  All of my writings are Copyright (c) 2005 Kevin Gourley. All rights reserved.   Any reference to them should also reference the web page address as well.